Lessons My Father Taught Me Read online

  Lessons My Father Taught Me

  Michael Reagan

  with

  Jim Denney

  Humanix Books

  Lessons My Father Taught Me

  Copyright © 2016 by Humanix Books

  All rights reserved

  Humanix Books, P.O. Box 20989, West Palm Beach, FL 33416, USA

  www.humanixbooks.com | [email protected]

  Library of Congress Control Number 2016931039

  No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any other information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the publisher.

  Cover photo: Getty Images 53379287

  Interior design: Scribe Inc.

  Humanix Books is a division of Humanix Publishing, LLC. Its trademark, consisting of the words “Humanix” is registered in the Patent and Trademark Office and in other countries.

  ISBN: 978-1-63006-053-4 (hardcover)

  ISBN: 978-1-63006-054-1 (ebook)

  Contents

  Introduction: The Greatest Man I’ve Ever Known

  1. Love Your Family

  2. Work Hard, Work Smart

  3. Speak the Truth, Live the Truth

  4. Live to Influence Others

  5. Make Your Marriage Work

  6. Turn Defeats into Successes

  7. Don’t Worry about Who Gets the Credit

  8. Put Others First

  9. Forgive and Be Forgiven

  10. Never Underestimate the Power of One

  11. Be a Leader

  12. Trust in God

  Epilogue: A Lesson Dad and I Taught Each Other

  Notes

  Bibliography

  Introduction

  The Greatest Man I’ve Ever Known

  ON JUNE 5, 2004, Ronald Reagan died after a decade-long battle with Alzheimer’s disease. He was the fortieth president of the United States and the first American president to die in the twenty-first century.

  He was my father.

  After a state funeral at Washington National Cathedral on June 11, our family accompanied the casket back to California aboard Air Force One. We rode in the funeral motorcade to the Reagan Library in Simi Valley, California, where the final service and interment would take place.

  As I looked out the window of the limousine, I saw that the streets were lined with thousands and thousands of well-wishers—a vast sea of people who loved, respected, and mourned my father. Many of them had banners or American flags in their hands. Others had their hands over their hearts. Some wept openly. Countless men and women in uniform saluted.

  That amazing outpouring of love gave all of us in the Reagan family a huge sense of strength and comfort. We were lifted up by their prayers and their love.

  Our motorcade reached the top of that hill where my father’s library stands. There, seven hundred invited guests came to honor his memory and say farewell. People Dad had known since his Hollywood days mingled with leaders who had shaped world events.

  The Air Force Band finished playing “Battle Hymn of the Republic” as the sun was setting toward the west. Then I stood and spoke from my heart “Good evening,” I said. “I’m Mike Reagan. You knew my father as governor, as president. But I knew him as Dad. I want to tell you a little bit about my dad—a little bit about Cameron and Ashley’s grandfather—because not a whole lot is ever spoken about that side of Ronald Reagan.

  “Ronald Reagan adopted me into his family in 1945. I was the chosen one. I was the lucky one. And in all of his years, he never mentioned that I was adopted, either behind my back or in front of me. I was his son, Michael Edward Reagan.

  “When his family grew to be two families, he didn’t walk away from the one to go to the other. He became a father to both families—to Patti and then Ronnie, but always to my sister Maureen and myself.

  “We looked forward to those Saturday mornings when he would pick us up. We’d sit on the curb on Beverly Glen as his car would turn the corner from Sunset Boulevard, and we would get in and ride to his ranch and play games—and he would always make sure it ended up a tie. We would swim and we would ride horses or we’d just watch him cut firewood. We were in awe of our father.

  “As years went by and I became older and found a woman I would marry, Colleen, he sent me a letter about marriage and how important it was to be faithful to the woman you love, with a PS: ‘You’ll never get in trouble if you say “I love you” at least once a day.’ And I’m sure he told Nancy every day ‘I love you,’ just as I tell Colleen.

  “He also sent letters to his grandchildren. He wasn’t able to be the grandfather that many of you are able to be because of the job that he had. So he would write letters. He sent one letter to Cameron and said: ‘Cameron, some guy got ten thousand dollars for my signature. Maybe this letter will help you pay for your college education.’ He signed it, ‘Grandpa,’ then added, ‘PS: Your grandpa is the fortieth president of the United States, Ronald Reagan.’

  “Those are the kinds of things my father did.

  “At the early onset of Alzheimer’s disease, my father and I would tell each other we loved each other, and we would give each other a hug. As the years went by and he could no longer verbalize my name, he recognized me as the man who hugged him. So when I would walk into the house, he would be there in his chair opening up his arms for that hug hello and the hug good-bye. It was truly a blessing from God.

  “We had wonderful blessings of that nature—wonderful, wonderful blessings that my father gave to me each and every day of my life. I was so proud to have the Reagan name and to be Ronald Reagan’s son. What a great honor.

  “He gave me a lot of gifts as a child. He gave me a horse. He gave me a car. He gave me a lot of things. But there’s a gift he gave me that I think is wonderful for every father to give every son.

  “Last Saturday, when my father opened his eyes for the last time, and visualized Nancy and gave her such a wonderful, wonderful gift—When he closed his eyes, that’s when I realized the gift that he gave to me, the gift that he was going to be with his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

  “Back in 1988, on a flight from Washington, D.C., to Point Mugu, he told me about his love of God, his love of Christ as his Savior. I didn’t know then what it all meant. But I certainly know now.

  “I can’t think of a better gift for a father to give a son. And I hope to honor my father by giving my son Cameron and my daughter Ashley that very same gift he gave to me.

  “It’s the gift of knowing where he is this very moment, this very day—that he is in heaven. And I can only promise my father this: Dad, when I go, I will go to heaven, too. And you and I and my sister, Maureen, who went before us, will dance with the heavenly host of angels before the presence of God. We will do it melanoma- and Alzheimer’s-free.

  “Thank you for letting me share my father, Ronald Wilson Reagan.”

  Every fifth of June since my father’s funeral, unless I’m away on business, I make a point of visiting my father’s grave at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library. I think about his life and I say a prayer of gratitude—and I read the inscription in my father’s own words: “I know in my heart that man is good. That what is right will always eventually triumph. And there’s purpose and worth to each and every life.”

  I have traveled across America, giving speeches and meeting thousands of people. Again and again, people tell me how much they love and miss my father. Some share stories of meeting him. Others tell me what his presidency meant to them. I never tire of hearing people talk about my dad or receiving the hugs they wish they could give to him. I’m always reminded of the many hugs my father and I
shared whenever he and I were together.

  I’ve often said that Ronald Reagan was the greatest man I’ve ever known—and one of the greatest men the world has ever known. I’ve spent my whole life studying him, absorbing the lessons he taught me, trying to follow the example he set. Dad was not a perfect father, but he truly loved his children. He and my mother divorced when I was three, so I only got to see him every other weekend—but he would pack as much fun and relationship-building as he could into those weekends.

  Dad would take me to his ranch, and we’d do chores together, he’d tell me stories and talk to me about life. Did I understand everything he was trying to teach me? Did I appreciate his wisdom and experience? No, not at the time. But years later, I remembered many of those lessons, and they finally made sense to me.

  The lessons my father taught me have made all the difference in my marriage, my family, my professional life, my friendships, and my faith. In the next few chapters, I’ll share those lessons with you and show you how my father’s values and wisdom impacted my life—and changed the world.

  Thank you for letting me share with you the lessons my father taught me.

  1

  Love Your Family

  I OWE MY LATE SISTER Maureen a debt I can never repay. I owe her ninety-seven cents.

  That’s how much Maureen paid to bring me into the Reagan family. She was three years old when she accompanied Mom and Dad to Schwab’s Pharmacy—yes, the famed Schwab’s Pharmacy at Sunset and Crescent Heights, where actress Lana Turner was discovered and where Harold Arlen sat at the lunch counter and wrote “Over the Rainbow.”

  While Mom and Dad were browsing in the aisles, Maureen strode to the counter, opened her little pink purse, and dumped a pile of coins on the counter—ninety-seven cents.

  The pharmacist peered over the counter. “What do you want, little girl?”

  Maureen said, “I want to buy a brother.”

  My mom and dad—Jane Wyman and Ronald Reagan—witnessed this exchange. Mom hurried over and told Maureen to put her money back in her purse. To Mom, the incident was embarrassing. After her first child, doctors had told Mom she should not get pregnant again. To her, the whole issue of a baby brother was private family business.

  Returning home, Mom and Dad talked it over. They had accepted the idea that Maureen would be an only child—but they hadn’t consulted with Maureen. Maybe she really did need a sibling to play with. So they decided to adopt.

  I was born in Los Angeles on March 18, 1945. My birth mother was an unmarried aspiring actress named Irene Flaugher. Three days after my birth, Ronald Reagan and Jane Wyman adopted me as their son and brought me home from the hospital.

  When they showed me to Maureen, she was indignant. “I don’t want a little brother—I want a big brother like my friends!”

  “Well,” Mom said, “Michael was the only brother available. You’re going to love him very much.”

  A nurse had come from the hospital to help care for me. When Maureen saw the nurse, she ran up the stairs to her room, snatched her piggy bank off the dresser, and threw it on the floor. She grabbed up the money from the shattered piggy bank—all ninety-seven cents of it—then ran downstairs and dumped the coins into the nurse’s hands.

  “What’s this for?” the nurse asked.

  “Keep it,” Dad said. “She wants to have a part in bringing Michael into the family.”

  That’s how I came into the Reagan family. Maureen paid the price of my admission, and I’ll never be able to repay that ninety-seven-cent debt.

  Alternating Saturdays with Dad

  Mom and Dad met in 1938 while costarring in Brother Rat, a comedy about cadets at the Virginia Military Institute. They were married on January 26, 1940, at the Wee Kirk o’ the Heather in Glendale, California. Their first child, Maureen Elizabeth Reagan, was born January 4, 1941. I was born four years later.

  When I was two years old, Mom became pregnant again. The pregnancy was unplanned, but not unwanted. As soon as Mom knew she was pregnant, she wanted that baby very much and was determined to carry the baby to term.

  But on June 26, 1947, just six months into the pregnancy, Mom went into labor and gave birth to a daughter, Christine, at Queen of Angels Hospital. Christine only lived for nine hours. It was the greatest heartbreak of Mom’s life—and she had to go through it alone. When baby Christine died, Dad was at another hospital, Cedars of Lebanon, with a serious case of viral pneumonia.

  The death of a child often takes a devastating toll on a marriage. One day in May 1948, Dad came home and Mom stunned him with the news that she wanted a divorce. Dad was a devoted family man, and the notion of divorce had never entered his thoughts. He knew Mom was grieving, but he had no idea his marriage was in jeopardy. I was only three at the time, so I didn’t understand what was happening. But Maureen understood, and remembered. Years later, she recalled, “It just never occurred to him, no matter what their problems were, that he and mother would get a divorce; it was so foreign to his way of thinking, to the way he was brought up.”1

  I think Mom had decided that there was only one thing she could do to escape the painful memories after Christine’s death: she had to go back to work. She immersed herself in her next role in a film called Johnny Belinda. She played a young deaf-mute woman, Belinda McDonald, who is raped and gives birth to a little boy named Johnny. It’s a powerful motion picture, and Mom gave the performance of a lifetime. The film was nominated for a dozen Academy Awards, including best picture, and Mom won an Oscar and the Golden Globe Award for best actress.

  (Incidentally, my mother handled the divorce with consummate class and discretion. She never said a word about my father in public or in private. After Dad was elected president of the United States, publishers offered my mother a number of lucrative book deals if she would dish some dirt on the first divorced president. She didn’t give those offers a moment’s consideration. In fact, when she was starring in Falcon Crest on television in the 1980s, she had a written agreement with the studio to participate in any interview about the show, but if the interviewer brought up her marriage to Ronald Reagan, she would instantly walk out. From the divorce in 1948 until my father’s death in 2004, she never said one word about him and their marriage. A few days after his death, she did issue one brief yet touching statement: “America has lost a great president and a great, kind, and gentle man.”)

  After the divorce, I saw my father on alternating Saturdays. Maureen and I would go outside at ten o’clock and sit on the curb in front of my mother’s two-story mansion at 333 S. Beverly Glen. We’d watch and wait, and soon we’d see Dad’s red station wagon turn from Sunset Boulevard onto Beverly Glen. Then I’d yell, “He’s here!”

  I was practically quivering with excitement when Dad arrived to pick us up for the weekend. Those days with my father were very important to me, because they were so much fun—and so rare. For a little boy, having to wait two weeks to see your dad is like waiting an eternity. When I was with my father, I didn’t want to waste a moment.

  We’d drive out to Yearling Row, Dad’s ranch in Northridge, in the San Fernando Valley, where he raised thoroughbred horses. Conditions at the ranch were primitive. The only structure was a one-room caretaker’s shack. Dad and his ranch foreman, Nino Peppetone, stayed in that shack on weekends when they worked with the horses.

  While Dad and Nino put the horses through their paces, Maureen and I played with the goats or fed the chickens. At lunch time, Dad would open a picnic basket and we’d sit on the grass in the shade of an oak tree, talking and watching the clouds’ shadows move across the Santa Susana Mountains.

  In 1951, Dad bought a new ranch near Malibu, adjacent to the 20th Century Fox movie ranch where M*A*S*H and Planet of the Apes were filmed. It became the new Yearling Row. It was four hundred acres of meadows and hills enclosed in a white fence that Dad built with his own hands. During our Saturdays at the ranch, I helped Dad dig the post holes for the fence, and I helped him repaint that fence many
times over the years. The Malibu ranch had separate houses for the family and the foreman, and a swimming pool.

  As Maureen grew older, she spent some of those weekends with her friends. So sometimes it would just be Dad and me at the ranch, or I might bring one of my friends along. My friends liked being with my father because he made everything fun. None of my friends were ever nervous around Dad. During the drive to the ranch, we’d play car games like Beaver—we’d shout out “Beaver!” whenever we saw a wood-paneled station wagon. The person with the most sightings by the end of the trip was the winner. Dad was the referee and scorekeeper, and somehow he managed to make every game end in a tie.

  When we got to the ranch, there were usually some chores to do, but there was always plenty of time to run and play. The ranch was a great place for a game of hide-and-seek, which we played on horseback. My friends and I built forts out of hay from the hay barn. I can close my eyes and recall the earthy smell of the horses, the dust in my nose, the feel of the tall grass brushing against the legs of my blue jeans, and the dry-oak scent of the wood my father cut and split. I remember bouncing on the passenger seat of the Jeep as Dad drove us around on rugged dirt trails or off-road.

  On late afternoons, after Dad had finished his chores, we’d ride horses or jump into the pool. Dad had one rule around the swimming pool—no running. To enforce that rule, he required that whenever Maureen and I were hurrying around the deck, playing tag, we had to stop at each corner and dip the toes of one foot into the pool.

  Dad had taught me to swim when I was three years old. I have no memory of it, but Dad told me the story. We had a pool at our home in Trousdale Estates, and Dad was determined to “drown-proof” me, so I’d be safe around that pool. Mom had gotten me swimming lessons at a place where they put an inflatable life jacket on me and taught me some rudimentary water skills. Dad didn’t think much of that approach. He figured that if I fell in the pool by accident, I might not be wearing a flotation device. So he told Mom I didn’t need the life jacket anymore.